Warning - Battery Critically Low
REST has been a topic that’s actually in capitals and in bold in my notes app. And today in yoga, so often a place of inspiration for my writing, another gem made itself known. My teacher always has the most wonderful playlist and I was lost in thought (I know, I know) and self judgement about my lower back and hips feeling like they are currently set in concrete (I know, I know). When over the sound system above the music came the words ‘BATTERY LOW’… ‘Yeah, me too’ said the class in unison.
REST, why is it I still battle with it? 3 years ago I was just about at the end of chemotherapy, the tumour was no longer visible on a scan, I was awaiting surgery and radiotherapy. 3 years ago, and knowing what I know now and what my body and mind has been through I still have times when I give myself a hard time about REST.
My battery is low - there are many reasons for that and I know that should give me permission to rest - good grief I’ve just written those mad words that I’ve coached so many women on - SHOULD AND PERMISSION!
You may be reading this whilst you’re still going through treatment or just out of it or even many years since you had treatment. Please know that as women we still seem to struggle with those words - should and permission. Why is there such guilt about it. Why has productivity at all cost so deeply rooted in us? Why do I/we/ feel unworthy of rest? What a load of shit that is. As if cancer wasn’t enough to go through we’re now working out whether we qualify for REST.
I have to say that most of the time I do, now, speak to myself with kindness and self compassion but there are still more times than I’d like to admit that I’m a tough on myself and my language is not one I’d use when speaking and supporting a friend.
REST feels like such a complex concept (to me at least!). And maybe that's where I've been getting stuck. Because there are so many types of rest - emotional, physical, social, spiritual, mental, creative, sensory. And I've been measuring myself against all of them like another to-do list I'm failing at. Not that that’s meant to be another stick to beat ourselves with - am I getting the right type of rest? But I’m curious as to what type of rest I need. And maybe rewording it or understanding it more fully enables us to embrace it a little more easily.
For me I know it begins with sensory rest - a rest from scrolling before I go to bed. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve coached women on this one. And I still, every single night, come up with another reason my phone needs to be there. Missing a call from my dad's nursing home at 5.30 the other morning because I'd put it on silent didn't help my resolve on that one.
When I think of rest I immediately assume it’s physical rest I need - napping or a bath or curled up with the dog. Do you think the same? Does it make it easier if we consider all these other types of rest? What if we asked ourselves, ‘what do I need right now?' and waited for the response.
Love
Rebecca x
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